“Nobody really cares.”
“I don’t know who I can turn to cos nobody cares.”
“Everybody has their own life to worry about. Why would they have time and energy to care about mine?”
I get the drift that everybody feels this way. Everybody close to me. and probably, every single passing fellow human stranger feels this way. That’s why friends and family dont confide in you. That’s why strangers dont talk. That’s why music exist. That’s why there is war. That’s why people are harming one another. That’s why lonliness exist. Maybe, that is also the only reason why we bother to mess around with love.
Now, let me ask you. Do you know who is the bane of your life? YOU, YOURSELF and of cos, allllllllllllll your other fellow humans. if i were an animal with sense, i would wipe out the human population. i am (tired?) of trying to seek people out, trying to understand, trying to give attention, trying to love, trying this and that. Whatever it is, people will always tell ya then shrug things aside the next day and say, ”oh well, it was just one of those loose screws moments you know… i am ok already.” then, they go on hiding back into their human shells again.
I ask everybody. and yes, that includes you, the one hiding behind your com screen. So, you find this kind of life happy? trying your best to be alone? is that what living life is all about? why dont we just join forces and reach out to one another? you know, it might help somebody out there. it might help you too.
what is it so scary about sharing your troubles? what is it so scary about seeing somebody feeling troubled? time? sleep? money? betrayal? judgement? … no wonder why humans keep feeling useless and keep trying to pursue something else; which is also known as their dreams.
(post editorial: i m not putting down ppl with dreams. it is GOOD to have a dream… but not wise, if you are just hanging up a fake painting of your dream and be extremely proud to call it your dream when you are just using it to distract yourself from what you observe and feel in life. i would say, most people would be a mixture of both; having a REAL dream and using it as an excuse in life to focus on it and leaving all other aspects of their life to ailment.)
it feels so easy to help a stranger with directions, to toss some coins into some charity tin box help the needy, to give up your seat to some elderly… yet it is often so hard to help the ones around you, isn’t it?
isn’t helping the ones you love rise the most satisfyingly happy feeling you can get in life? or maybe it is just me. i am not of much help anyway. i am tired like everyone else too; cacooning away in my own shell like you.
yea, that’s how jaded life gets. i am fed up with second guessing, with treading around the edges of boundaries people set up, with watching people smile and laugh in my face and wondering if it is a mirror image of their feelings right now. and most of all, i m tired of trying to keep a nice front towards the ones who hurt me. sigh. but what to do? what can i change?
cars are made to go forward and backward, i cant possibly make my car go sideways right? all i can do is to make turns. it is all about following conventions and pretending that we dont need one another.
period.
i wonder what i mean by growing up and maturing now. i still dont know how to, do i?
THANKS TO Xue Lin for allowing mi to post this here :)
edited by mi! :p
